Our true path should be something like: Imagine the noblest aim that you can conceptualise and then sacrifice your life to attempting to attain it.
– Jordan Peterson
Now that the issue of my health has cleared, I am reinvigorated and reaching out for tools that will help me become more efficient and break bad habits.
It has taken leaving my home to face many truths, just to be who I genuinely am.
Finding Alex— my now husband- right at the time I really faced who I was, was just… urgh… harmonious. And because of him, I have never regressed back to self-doubt.
Now that I am here, seeing the world with different eyes, and pushing forward, I see everyone else enduring the same struggle— whether or not they acknowledge it.
I was going to develop my public speaking skills after I get my business up, but I am thinking the journey is epic enough to help people now, showing them success is not the reason why I tell these stories.
I want more. I want to not feel like I have to survive and adapt. I have made so many strong choices, and I want to stick by them.
Jordan Peterson said about depression, if you have no job, no friends and poor health, taking anti-depressants will not help fix your life, and that it is a very dangerous environment to be in. I ticked all three boxes, and still have two of those situations (which I am working on to change) going. The absolute strength I have needed to be here and the support Alex has given, blows me away. I could write a book about what I went through, and my Dad has had very good reason to be concerned about my chances of surviving it.
I am thankful also my parents, who consoled me during my many lows. I have had to endure what many people cannot, for nine months. I am not exaggerating. I have not been able to talk to many of my friends and family, because all of my energy was put into waking up during daylight and not wasting each day. Many days have been wasted. Many times, I have just been… paralysed.
The whole time I have been with my Baby, since we really got together (a month later, I became sick) we have only known to survive and persevere, and overcome temporary but regular bouts of insanity. And now, we are seeing issues here in the way we do things, because survival mode is no longer applicable. And gosh, it is so wonderful to see that in each other. Life is so wonderful. We hold each other every day so tremendously thankful.
Thank you for listening. I hope to use what I have learnt… I don’t know where to start but fuck it, I am sick of planning. Let’s just do! I am going to make mistakes but feel alive, make changes.
Keep your face always toward the sunshine – and shadows will fall behind you.
– Walt Whitman